I celebrated my 39th birthday this month! I know some people struggle with age, but I don’t mind it. I do however feel like when I was growing up, I would have thought that a person, who was 39, was old. I’m not sure how I got to “suddenly” be 39. I still feel like I’m young so I’m wondering how to balance being a grown up with not feeling like one. Some days I still wait for the lady I’m babysitting for to come home and take back her house and children.
I’ve been reflecting a lot as well, on how my children are growing. My oldest is 11 and will turn 12 in the fall. I’m noticing how suddenly I have “older kids” and how seemingly overnight, they’ve become self-sufficient. I’ve spent years worrying about how they’ll “turn out.” I’ve spent years reading through a variety of parenting strategies, each promising a certain outcome if used properly. I usually pick the next parenting strategy based on what kind of person I want my child to grow up to be. I’ve tried to teach them to be independent, self-sufficient, kind, loving, loyal, helpful, you know, all those “model citizen” characteristics, but I’ve come to a realization recently. I’m realizing now as I’ve taken some time to sit back and just watch who they’re becoming that who they will become is not entirely up to me. I know, I should have realized this years ago, I’m a little late to the party. They’re God’s designs. He has created them for a certain purpose in this world and he has given them the tools for that purpose. Of course they have to choose to accept the path He has created for them and the talents He has given to them. I do feel like between their free will and God’s power, maybe it’s not really up to me, to control how they’ll turn out. I won’t negate the fact that as their mother, I have a responsibility to help guide and shape them through childhood. I’m simply realizing that it’s not all about me.
When I woke up on the morning of my birthday, I was a little anxious about what I would be waking up to. I’d been telling my kids I wanted pancakes for breakfast and they love to cook but I have these gluten free pancakes that are tricky to make. I wondered if I’d wake up to a flowery mess of raw pancakes all over the kitchen. Instead however I woke up to a beautifully decorated dining room! My daughter had made me a happy birthday banner, and she laminated a placemat for me. She had created a game for us to play where she drew pictures and everyone had to guess what the pictures said about me. They were great sentences like mommy loves her family and her favorite color is green.
I was taken aback at the thoughtfulness and creativity.
I know I am planting seeds in my children. Some I will see come to fruition and some I may never see, but again it’s not about me, it’s about them growing up to be who God made them to be. For now I’ll just be grateful I get to be a part of their journey.
What have you noticed about the way your children are growing up? How do you decide what to worry about and what to leave to God’s authority?
Copyright 2019 Courtney Vallejo All Rights Reserved
Image Credit Copyright 2019 Courtney Vallejo. All Rights Reserved