New Year, Same Me
Resolutions. Every year, I struggle with my New Year’s resolutions. Like Lent, I have lofty ideas of what I want to do, the way that I will totally transform myself, and completely change who I am and become a super virtuous, quiet, and perpetually prayerful version of myself. And every year, I would fail. The sense of failure and self-loathing would set in, and then I would give it up altogether until the NEXT New Year’s Day. I remember last year I decided a different approach. I thought smaller. W A Y smaller. We had a 2 year old and a new baby so I just knew how little I was capable of changing in that season of life. I decided that in 2018, I would be the one who changed the toilet paper roll ANY time I saw that it needed it, and not wait for my husband to do it. I decided this because we would end up with the toilet paper roll just SITTING on the holder, instead of changed properly, and this would go on for several rolls. I don’t know why this annoyed me, but it did. It annoyed me, even though I had EVERY opportunity to do it myself, but I thought, “I don’t wanna!!!” ( I know, so mature of me.)
So, that was my resolution for 2018. So small. I did not tell my husband about this resolution, because I did not think that he needed to be made aware of just how low I was setting the bar for myself. And at first, it was actually difficult. I would groan every time, but do it because I had told myself that I would. Eventually a couple things happened, 1. It stopped being an annoying task. 2. My husband started doing it WAY more often than me!
That’s the thing with resolutions. If we give ourselves realistic goals, those goals are more likely to happen, and open to door to grace. Self-loathing and dwelling on failure is never useful, but becomes less likely when we take an honest look at what is something small that we can do to improve ourselves. This small resolution made me appreciate my husband SO MUCH, and made me realize that those small “annoying” things in life are not that big of a deal.
For me, 2019 will be the Year of Laundry. I don’t actually mind DOING laundry, or even folding it, but I am not the best at putting it away. Let me rephrase, I am TERRIBLE at it. I begrudgingly put away the kids clothes, and my husband puts his away, but inevitably, all my clothes ends up in a big pile on our bathroom counter, is it clean? Is it dirty?! I HAVE NO IDEA. The not knowing makes me grumpy, and often late, to things because I cannot find that one shirt, or my favorite pair of jeans. I avoid my bathroom because the pile of clothes causes anxiety. The crazy thing is that my lovely husband, who likes a tidy home, NEVER complains about it. (That was probably his New Years resolution after our first year of marriage.) So this New Year, I will put away all the clothes, as soon as I fold it. I will do this efficiently, patiently, and willingly. That is my small resolution for this year.
I have other goals too, like, learn how to cook with the sou vide method, play outside with our kids more, cultivate deeper relationships with the people in our community, and abandon my will to God’s will, but the most realistic one for me will probably be the laundry. And that is ok- I am still a work in progress. And so are you! Give yourself the grace to change those small things, those things you don’t like about yourself, and those things about you that annoy you. Give yourself space to grow. You are deeply known and loved, and no number of resolutions will change the Father’s love for you. If you are in a season of life where you are taking care of little people all day, keep that in mind when making your resolutions. If you have kids in school, or work outside the home, keep that in mind when making your resolutions. Lastly, if you usually give up after a few weeks, like me, get an accountability partner to encourage and remind you of why you are doing what you are doing.
So there it is, my 2019 resolution. Feel free to keep me accountable! And please share what things you want to do in the new year to become a holier mother, wife, sister, and friend. May this new year bring your family peace, joy, and new family members, because I LOVE BABIES!
Copyright 2018 Diana Resendiz. All Rights Reserved.
Image Credit: 2018 Karen Padilla. All Right Reserved.